My Rise from the Ashes

Ever been cheated on? It’s like your heart is ripped from your chest and you can literally feel the pain permeating through the pit of your stomach. And no matter how much time has gone by, whether or not you’ve forgiven the person, are still with the person, or moved on… you still feel its affects long after it’s over.

I’ve been cheated on, multiple times, by multiple men I’ve been in relationships with. Because of my track record…it led me to believe that perhaps I AM the problem. Maybe if I was prettier, skinnier, tanner, had longer hair, more tattoos, drove a nicer car, was stronger, smarter, funnier, more personable, etc… I mean, there’s gotta be something wrong with me to get continually chosen as second best by the men who claim to love me.

Being cheated on leaves you with insecurities that run so fucking deep, you’re not sure if you’ll ever reach their depths. Even years later, you still ask yourself “damn, maybe if I was as pretty as her, he wouldn’t have cheated.” You feel stupid, naive, insufficient, unworthy of love, the list goes on.

Anyone who has ever been cheated on knows that you never really get over it. You learn to live with knowing that you just weren’t good enough for that person. (Reminder: that person is stupid)

However, there can be beauty in pain. For myself, it lit a fire in me. Yes, my insecurities are still extremely loud and I can’t even begin to explain the mental warfare I experience on a daily basis because of it, but being cheated on… it led me to want to be better. Not for the person that cheated. But for myself. After being cheated on, I literally dove headfirst into self-care (of course after a month long depressive episode). I began focusing on how I could turn my mind and my body into a vessel that radiated self-love and perseverance. I wanted to show myself that I knew how to rise from the ashes better and stronger than before. I just kept reminding myself that my comeback would be far greater than my setback.

And here we are.

Though it may not look like much to those on the outside, I have literally FOUGHT to become the woman I am today. It’s terribly sad that it took being lied to and cheated on for me to find the warrior within, but here I am. Defiant AF.