I miss having friends.
Real, genuine friends that allow me the freedom to be myself. No guard up. No judgment. Just love and laughter.
I can say, in my life, I’ve only had 3-4 friends that fit that description. People that I could call at 2am to come without hesitation and pick me up from a situation I no longer wanted to be in, people that were always down to grab coffee or, in many incidences, go to the cheap Chinese buffet on Wednesday nights, people who understood what I was thinking with just a look, people who told me when I was about to fuck up and who had my back when I did it anyway, people who understood me even when I didn’t understand myself.
I’ve been so lucky to experience friendships like this. And to this day, I know those people would have my back if I needed them. They are my tribe.
But life has pulled us apart. Distance keeps us from being close like we once were. The soul connection is still there, but we no longer communicate regularly. Days, weeks, even months go by without any real communication. The occasional double tap on their Instagram posts, a cute comment left under a picture, little things that remind each other that we’re still thinking about them despite our busy lives.
I definitely blame myself. I SUCKKKKK at communication. Terrible. Like on a scale from 1 to 10, I’d be a -4 or -5. Yes, negative.
But the friends I mentioned above – they get it. Because they get me.
However, that doesn’t make the emptiness of having no one close by that fits the above description any easier. Since being in Maryland, I’ve had an extremely difficult time making CLOSE friends. I have dozens of good friends (thanks to CrossFit). These are good-hearted people with similar interests and people that I enjoy spending my time with. But I wouldn’t call any of them a best friend. My guard is constantly up. I meticulously watch what I say to the point where I sometimes appear socially awkward – ha!
Anyway, I guess what I’m saying is I miss having a best friend close by. I often find myself needing to vent or bounce ideas off of someone. Or find myself doing a majority of things alone or missing out on girl-y things like brunch and bottomless mimosas or shamelessly watching reruns of Jersey Shore while downing wine and eating pizza rolls. It sucks knowing that you don't have anyone to call on to do those sort of things with.
Relationships are essential to humans - just look up Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs if you need confirmation.
Ultimately though...
I miss having friends.
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