Acceptance

I’ve never been a head turner. And that’s ok.

I’ve never been the life of the party. And that’s ok.

I’ve never been the popular or most likable girl. And that’s ok.

I’m not a lot of things. And that’s ok.

Honestly, for most of my life, I spent a lot of time trying to fit in. Constantly hyper aware of what other people might be thinking of me. We live in a world of judgment. That’s just the way it is. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t still seek validation and approval from others, but I no longer try so hard to fit into society’s perfect little box of expectations.

I’ve noticed over the last few years that I’ve began accepting things that I cannot change or do not have control over. For instance, I’ve always been incredibly critical of myself. Especially my appearance. For years I had to have name brand clothes, designer handbags, etc. I’d plaster my face with professional brand makeup trying to look like the flawless Instagram makeup artists I idolized, I’d fry my hair trying to achieve the latest hair trend, and spend hours in a tanning bed trying to look like a sun kissed beach babe. I did more harm than good. My makeup was never quite right and made me look older than I was, my hair looked like I’d taken a bic lighter to the ends, and I was literally baking my body in UV lights. I honestly just looked like I was trying too hard to be everything I wasn’t.

Though I do have control over some variables concerning my appearance, there’s just no way I will ever look like Scarlet Johansen or Margot Robbie, or any of the other woman I’ve tried to mirror.

Instead, I’m slowly learning to accept my natural appearance as it is. No, it isn’t exotic or jaw-dropping – I prefer to describe it as an earthy beauty, a little rough around the edges, but natural and grounded.

My hair is typically a little frizzy and unkempt – who knows when I last got it trimmed! My makeup routine takes maybe 10 minutes total and I’d opt for no makeup most days. I can’t remember the last time I treated myself to a mani-pedi. I choose comfort and practicality over style and brand names in regards to my clothing. Sure, I still splurge on nice things for myself and it’s not like I’ve let myself go! I’m definitely an advocate of “treat yo self.” I’m just more comfortable with who I am and what I bring to table. If you don’t like my face – then don’t look at it!

But let’s not forget the nasty little comparison complex that often creeps into the picture. It seems like every time I get to a point where I am comfortable with who I am and accept what I am – I see someone who has something I want. Whether that be longer hair, a brighter smile, a sunnier disposition, whatever… I still find myself comparing myself to them and the whole vicious cycle repeats itself.

A quote I like to think of when I begin to criticize myself for not looking or acting the way another person does is…

“Just because you don’t look like somebody who you think is attractive doesn’t mean you aren’t attractive. Flowers are pretty, but so are Christmas lights and they look nothing alike.” – Unknown.

It’s easy to compare yourself to the person next you. But don’t forget, there is someone who looking at you as though you hung the moon.

It’s easy to ignore the wonderful, beautiful things about yourself and only focus on the areas that you dislike. Sometimes you need a reminder from an outside source. Go to three different people. People you are close with and whose opinion you value. Ask them to describe you using only one to two words. No more than three. Write them down. Stick them somewhere you can see them regularly. Look at them – often.

I tried this out and these were a few of the words people described me as:

Tenacious

Inspiring

Determined

Capable

Doer

Strong

Independent

Funny

Honest to a fault

Dependable

Poignant

Adventurous

Laid back

Notice how none of these words describe my appearance? That is because what I look like does not define my character.

The journey of self-love and acceptance is a bumpy one, but I am learning how to accept who I am, right now, as I am. Just because others are in their winning season, does not mean mine is not coming or that I am any less worthy. And just because I see beauty in someone else, does not mean that there is not beauty in me.

And - as with every blog post I begin, I never really know the direction I’m going in. I take one thought and just kind of let my fingers type away. Simply sharing my stream of consciousness with those who care to listen. :)